Advice to Teenagers/Young Adults

I've been thinking a lot about teenagers and young adults lately. Maybe it's because my own "little sister" just turned sixteen. I don't understand why all these kids are in such a rush to grow up. That's the beauty of being a teenager--you can still have adult responsibilities like getting a job and driving a car, but you can still be a kid. I understand these years can be hard--school is tough, peers are cruel, you're angsty and still trying to find yourself, you hate your parents because you feel like they're smothering you and your freedom. I get it, I was there. But you have to understand that your parents are trying to guide you in the right direction. Yes, you have to make your own mistakes and learn from them. Yes, you need to choose your own path in life. But you don't need to do it deaf, dumb, and blind. There is nothing wrong with a little guidance to help you along the way. You can learn from others' mistakes as well as your own.

Thanks to social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook, I am connected with the current "teenage generation" and I am concerned by what I see and read. That is what has inspired this post and the advice I am about to give. Just know, dear readers, that this is not directed at a single person I know, but to a generalized person or persons I have witnessed in society within the adolescent age bracket. So...here it goes:

1. Work hard in school: It's important to work hard in school, but not completely overdo it. You see, I was one of those over-achievers who opted to take every honors and AP class that I could take. I ended up overdoing it almost all four years and ran on about three hours of sleep while school was in session. If you feel confident in your abilities in a certain class, feel free to take a more challenging level. But don't be ashamed to take an average class or one that moves at a slower pace if that's what your comfortable with. Challenge yourself, but don't stretch yourself too thin either. Make sure you do your homework, read your assignments, study, pay attention in class, participate, and understand that education is a very important aspect of life. There are children around the world who are denied an education so please don't take what you have for granted. Remember, it's not necessarily the grades that matter but the effort you put forth to acheive them.
2. Don't make "being in a relationship" your priority: Look, I get it. Everyone wants to feel loved and have companionship. But you are young. Being in a relationship shouldn't be your ultimate goal at this stage in your life. It hurts me to see young people turn their backs on their friends because they are so enamored with their significant other. It's fine to date. And it's okay to be in a relationship, that's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is don't live your teenage years searching for a mate. There will be plenty of time for that when you mature a bit more, take on more responsibilities, and figure your own self out. While being in a relationship is nice, it's not necessary. Remember, you cannot be happy with someone else unless you are happy with yourself (and your singleness).
3. Don't get involved in adult problems or issues, especially ones that deal with your parents: I am 100% guilty of this one. When I was in high school, I was continually getting sucked into family drama and issues. It wasn't until I was older and working with a therapist did I learn that I should have said "NO!" and removed myself from the situation. There is enough drama in your teenage life without dragging in adult problems as well. Furthermore, it's none of your business, and parents (or guardians) you shouldn't be bringing your children into the situations as well. If you are having a problem with your spouse, wait until your children are in bed or remove yourselves from their presence before having a discussion. Teenagers, don't be afraid to leave the room if your parents start aruging or asking for your opinion when discussing adult decisions. It is not your responsibility!
4. Spend time with your family: Family time is extremely important. And I know as a teenager it may seem "uncool" to spend time with your family, especially your parents. I'm not saying you have to have a sit-down family dinner and quality time session every night. But get together as a family and watch a movie one evening. Or play a board game. Or go down the shore or to a water park. Have fun and enjoy each other's company. You won't realize how much you missed those movie and board game nights until everyone is too busy to schedule time together. Even though I'm no longer a teenager, I still miss being able to spend time with my family regularly. I live with my mom (and sister half the week) but because of my two jobs and our opposite work schedules, I can go days without seeing my mom. It makes me really treasure the time that we do spend together because it doesn't happen often. Take advantage of family time now while you can.
5. Spend time with your friends: Just like with your family, it is important to spend time with your friends. It gives you a chance to be more "yourself" than you might be around your family. You are probably more laid back and at ease with your friends and you have a lot more in common. But please, realize who your true friends are. True friendships are about quality not quantity. I would rather have five true friends than fifty so-so aquaintances. Friends should lift you up and not push you down. Friends should be able to make you laugh and hug you when you cry. Friends shouldn't pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with and have the same morals as you. Friends should be supportive not negative. Find your few precious friends and hold on tight, keeping them close. But likewise, remember to be just as good of a friend back to them!
6. If you're old enough, get a job where you can work a few days a week: I understand that you have a lot going on with school, family, friends, and possibly clubs and sports, but if you are able to get a job, do it. Even if you can only work a few hours a week, getting a job is not only an excellent character builder, but it will also give you a sense of financial freedom. Having a job will teach you responsibility and respect, but it will also give you the chance to prove to your parents that you are getting older and deserve some freedom of your own. Not to mention, some extra cash in your pocket will also be an added bonus! Just like with harder classes, you don't want to overdo it. Only work a couple of days; enough to keep your employment active, but not too much that it interferes with your schooling and makes you feel overwhelmed.
7. Do community service: This piece of advice is very near and dear to my heart. I know a lot of schools are beginning to require this, but I think that doing it on your own is that much more fulfilling. Look, sometimes we begin to live a jaded life--we forget that our luxuries (no matter how small) are just that, luxuries, and that there are people who don't live with the necessities. I have volunteered at a food pantry, thrift shop, R.I.S.E. (which, for all intensive purposes, is similar to Habitat for Humanity), participated in INTERACT (the community service club at my high school), done charity walks, and spent nearly a month in South Africa doing missions work. I will tell you, the benefits you reap from doing community service are invaluable. It's a wake-up call to remind you that your life isn't as bad as you might have thought it was. It makes you appreciate all the comforts and luxuries you have in your own life. It helps you prioritize your life and think about what is most important to you. But most importantly, you are doing something to help someone else. Even if it's in the smallest way, you are making a big difference. One of things I like to say in terms of helping someone out is that they might not always remember your name, they might not always remember what you did, but they will ALWAYS remember how you made them feel. Putting others before yourself is one of the most amazing feelings you can experience and I think it's important, especially for you teenagers who are attached to your cell phones, iPods, and laptops, to see how the less fortunate live.
8. Find your passion and run with it: Whether you are a singer or play an instrument, you enjoy writing or acting, you like to debate or help others, there is probably some type of club at your school for you. Get involved! There is a club for almost everything nowadays, and if there is something you are interested in but your school doesn't offer a club, speak to a couselor about starting one up! Usually you just need a certain number of members and an advisor. Chances are, if you are passionate about something, there are others that are just as eagar as you. I'm not saying go out and join every single club that you have an interest in, but getting involved in something you enjoy doing will not only expose you to new people that can be potential friends, but you will be happy doing what you enjoy. Not to mention, extra cirriculars look great on college applications if that's what you choose to do!
9. Do not abuse social networking sites: This is a big pet peeve of mine. While I love Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter as much as the next person, I think we are all guilty of writing things that maybe we should have thought twice about. Remember, these posts are public for all to see. I'm sure you don't like it when people write negative things about or directed at you, so don't do the same to them. Facebook and Twitter are not your personal diary. If you need to vent, either keep a hand-written journal or create a blog but keep it private. Often times those that fall victim to bullies become the bully themselves when they begin to post negative stuff on social networking sites. Always read what you are typing and if, after posting, you find that you have offended or upset someone, not only apologize but remove the post immediately. Being able to stay connected is a great gift, but with it comes great responsibility. Be mature and double check everything that you post.
10. Stay positive and hold your head high: This is probably one of the hardest things to accomplish. Kids are crueler than ever and bullying seems much more intense now than it did even when I went to school in the early 2000s. It makes me sad to see young people taking their lives because they were being bullied. So I encourage you to stay positive and hold your head high. If someone is calling you a "slut", just push back your shoulders and walk on by. You know the truth, so why let them affect you? I know it's tough, trust me I do. But the more you practice this, the easier it will become. However, I do understand that depression is a disease that effects many young people--I, myself, have been a sufferer since the age of twelve. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you are uncomfortable talking to your parents, speak to a guidance counselor or the school psychologist. Don't be ashamed. I know it can be intimidating, but you will benefit in the long run. Also, if you know of someone who is suffering from depression, struggling with something, or being bullied, tell an adult! Whether it be a parent, teacher, counselor, etc. they are there to help. Some people are too afraid, scared, or proud to get help themselves, so helping them out is a good thing. Even if they are angry at you at first, there will come a time when they realize you were only caring about them and trying to get them help. Remember, we are all beautiful in our own way and we must hold our heads high and be proud of who we are!

So there we are, these are a few pieces of advice for my teenage and young adult friends. You've probably heard it all before, but sometimes we must have things constantly drilled into our heads until we finally grasp it. I hope that you take some of my advice and put it into practice. I only want what's best for you and I want you to live a fulfilling life. It's true when they say these can be the best years of your life, you just have to find the balance between the maturity and resposibilities of being an adult and having the care-free, fun nature of a child.

I'll keep you posted xo